episode 36: My Fragile Life
A few nights back, Ranker called to say he had no money to pay for his rental, and he had nowhere to stay for the night. He asked me if I could let him put up at my place. I said no. He got upset. I did not bother to explain. I'm not sure if he has decided that we are quits. I was really just too tired and bogged down to do or say anything...***
Back in 1993, early one morning, I was walking along the corridor of the old Victoria School in Geylang Bahru, looking for the place to sit for the entrance exam for the Art Elective Program, when I met B. We became friends...and of course, we formed the VS AEP group. (The 1993-1996 cohort)
***
This afternoon, we visited our art teacher. His son Dylan was very cute. There was of course the usual individual update session...
Y will be going back to NUS to do his Masters in Architecture. It seems that he has quite a bit of savings too (at least ten thousand or so...possibly even up to a hundred thousand or more)
C has already bought a Volkswagen Beetle for $90k. He had made some profit from investments during his NUS days. Everyone is asking him when he would marry his girlfriend; they had been together for four and a half years.
K is a designer in a design firm.
G is working in a design company as well.
B is currently in NIE, and will be getting engaged or married next June.
News update on others who were not present...our juniors are now architects, army officers, there was even an oil trader ....(should easily make his first million by age 35)
***
Sir did not comment much on my drawings, except that my windows are nice, but small, and my drawings of nature are a bit like Van Gogh's...
Everyone else seems to be have a successful story of the Singaporean dream to tell, except me. Everyone has thousands in their bank. I have less than five hundred dollars (and still in debt of about three hundred over dollars). Everyone has a car, or is going to get married, or is getting a car or a flat. I'm not.
I gave Sir the drawings of my windows...the drawings that remind me of so much beauty and pain...of what use are they for me? There is no need for me to keep them anymore...Sir is a true art connoisseur, it is only my honour if he likes my drawings and wants to keep them. At that instant, I would have even given him all my drawings if he had wanted them all...
'You haven't changed,' everyone says so.
'I'm sure there are many eligible girls out there,' Sir said. I smiled at him and asked about baby Dylan, who was asleep by then. 'Do use acid-free paper when you draw,' he advised.
It was a heartfelt gathering. As I stepped out, I feel happy for the successful achievements of my peers and juniors...I even received news that my old crush J is attached again.
I asked myself what I have.
As I walked back, I was even so ready to give away everything, all my drawings, all my books, all my CDs...my everything.
I have my pens. My papers. Nature. A broken discman with the same CDs that I love so dearly.
I had travelled so many roads and come so far to return to the very same spot again...
I have everything. I have nothing.
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