diary

episode 28: exchanges between teacher and student

I received an email from my art teacher, and thought I might as well send him a link to my drawings...this is what he replied:

Its good to know that you are still continuing with your art. These are a set of very sincere andwell-choreographed drawings. I like the windowseries...they have a power of their own. The question now is what next? I suggest you go upscale and do really large drawings and see how you like them. YunNong is organising a CNY visit to my home...get the drawings ready for viewing and critique.

This is my reply:

Hi sir,

Not sure how you read into sincerity, but thanks for the compliment. Those drawings are actually done over a period of 2.5 to 3 years. 90% or more of the drawings are actually done plein-air, so I would really still love to work with Nature and study for much longer before I learn to 'create'. (And of course, you know how busy teachers are with today's new challenges and changes in education...) Also, you'd realise that I do not really have a 'theme' or 'message' rather than perhaps aesthetics itself...so I'm not sure if I have the kind of patience and focus to work on just ONE drawing to orchestrate/crystallise what I have learnt and what I want to say (if anything at all) at this stage.

Just a personal note on sharing...I had been very diligent in my study and learning of art all these years after the VS days, from army to uni to NIE till today, but the more I learn, the more confused and ignorant and stupid I find myself becoming, especially with all the Postmodern art and theories...the more I know, the more I do not know. The more I learn, the more I have to unlearn and re-learn...I am constantly trying to look at the same thing through different perspectives and trying to make sense of meaning which constantly changes...At the end of the day, I learnt to look inside instead of outside, to seek myself and my meaning from within instead of without...which is why I stopped asking questions at some point in time and just follow my intuition and feelings, to do what I enjoy doing, to go back to basics and fundamentals while trying to arrive at a language of my own (sorry, but I think I'm beginning to sound confusing and lose myself)...

In all honesty, while I like some of my own drawings and know their merits and shortcomings, I do not think very much of them or of myself. I know there is still an infinitely long way to go, infinite possibilities to explore (which make the question of 'what next' very difficult to answer)....and many unexplored terrains to venture into...

If I have an answer to 'what next', I can only answer with 'further study and exploration of drawing and nature' for now, which I guess is very vague. I have always understood and known your intentions of encouraging me to upscale and perhaps to 'create' (i.e. to draw without seeing or reference)...or even to venture into abstraction (which has always created a lot of philosophical debates....like what is abstract? why do non-representational art etc.) .....but at this stage, I guess I'm not ready for such challenges yet...

Another note on my drawings...well, they are just documentation of experiences...of my walks in Nature...so that drawing becomes a process just like the process of walking and the process of life...there is no fixed 'solution' or 'answer' or ' central message/moral' of some sort as yet...I treat them like sketches, or diaries...

I actually wrote quite a bit on art (see attached docs if you have time)* I sent him my writings on art

I really thank you for everything you've taught me. I hope that one day, I can exhibit my work next to yours, for you have been a most worthy mentor.

I really thank you for your time as well.

With deepest gratitude,
(my name)

P.S. Some of the attached writings were written some time ago, so they might not make very much sense...but nevertheless, they're part of my learning process..

I also sent him this:

This is something I wrote:

Up to today, I can confidently proclaim that I have experimented with many different art forms, read many books, seen many exhibitions, kept (and thrown away) many sketchbooks, written many things, listened to much music, and other been-there-done-thats, but good art remains elusive. It is as if one is trying to grasp falling water with one's hands. The more I know, the more I do not know. The more knowledge I acquire, the more confused and stupid I become. The more I learn, the more I have to unlearn. The more I had achieved, the harder it is to become better. I feel more stupid than when I started art ten years ago.

Patiently waiting for his reply.

posted by sin @ 9:40 PM